Who am I to say to you what I am saying to you at the door of the church and I am but a throw of a dice between a predator and a prey I earned more awareness not to be happy with my moonlit night but to witness the massacre I survived by chance: I was smaller than a military target and bigger than a bee wandering among the flowers of the fence I feared for my siblings and my father I feared for a time made of glass I feared for my cat and rabbit and for a magical moon, above the high minaret of the mosque I feared for the grapes of our vines that suspend like the breasts of our dog … Fear kept up with me and I continued with it barefooted, forgetting my little memories of what I wanted from tomorrow – there is no time for tomorrow – I walk / haste / run / go up / go down / I scream / bark / howl / call / wail / I go faster / slower / fall down / slow down / dry / I walk / fly / see / do not see / stumble / I become yellow / green / blue / I split / break into tears / I get thirsty / tired / hungry / I fall down / get up / run / forget / I see / do not see / remember / hear / comprehend / I rave / hallucinate / mumble / scream / I can not / I groan / become insane / go astray / I become less / more / fall down / go up / and drop / I bleed /and I lose consciousness / By Mahmoud Darwish
and after all that, there was enough time for love and its sorrows too. It felt like I had everything through even a pandamic, I thought like I don’t have any control on how my life is turning. I painted this portrait as the end of all these, la fin. I declared my win over more than a year of depression and decades of feeling not in controll of what’s happening to me, by acceptence …